Thursday, October 27, 2011

Virtual Horses, Karma, and my Grandpa

Been kinda lazy lately. I started playing a horse simulation on my iPad that lets you pretend you own a horse. When I get to the 5th grade, I hope to try the my-dog and my-cat and get-a-life apps too. Ha.

School is good. Although karma got me good on Monday. I noted a forum post regarding where to locate an article referenced in several homework problems. I gloated that my fellow student hadn't thought to check the univerisity library's online databases and had only done a google search. Imagine my chagrin later when I realized this student wasn't getting an early jump on homework due the following week. The homework was actually due in class at 6:30 p.m. (I found this out at 5:30, half an hour before I had to leave for class on the light rail.) Yep, karma.

I couldn't blame karma when I found out my project paper (ironically about Inefficiencies for adult ADHD patients in obtaining ADHD medications that are classified as controlled) is due next Tuesday. I was absolutely shocked--had thought I had more time on it. Then I checked my self-imposed timeline for completing parts of the project and sure enough, it said "complete paper" on 11/1/11. No excuse. Well, maybe ADHD. Nah. More like, I forgot to actually follow the timeline I set out for myself.

My grandpa isn't doing very well and I'm not sure what to say to my mom. Please don't tell her this, but part of me is ok with him dying (peacefully) so that she can stop worrying day and night about his health and happiness and all. I want my mom to start enjoying her life without all us kids around and doing some of the hobbies and volunteering and socializing that people do at her age who don't have to care for elderly parents. (He's 93 and a brittle diabetic and heart patient. He's had a wonderful and lengthy life.) That being said, I will be sad when he dies. But it certainly won't be shocking or unexpected or any cause to feel guilt, bitterness, or anything else. I fear some in my extended family may bring these negative feelings to his impending death and this is such a shame. It bothers me. Hey, I can't predict my life, but say I get to a nice old age and have enjoyed my life and built positive relationships and lived in an honest and balanced manner--no hurt feelings, no family politics, no blaming when I do hit the hay for good. I want it to be bittersweet. People are happy to have known me during my life and happy to remember me and sad I am gone. That's all.

That all being said, I love life and intend to make the most of it for as long as I have.

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